“Don’t say I never did anything for ya, kid” he says, faking a playful Harrison Ford look as he messages me the address.
“Go here if you are serious about it”.
..
A few months ago I stumbled upon a creepy pasta reddit thread about someone who claimed they had met the Morning Star, you know, the fallen one, the light bringer… erm, Lucifer. Satan man, I mean. The devil himself.
The guy went one about how Lucifer told him that there is a secret no mortal man knew, how in any given era, 200 or so humans are selected by him and the one in the high chair to be the champions of humanity. If these 200 manage to impress then the end of days are postponed for another 200 years. In the last round you had folks like Einstein and Mother Theresa. Nowadays… things look ripe. Ripe for the Rapture. That’s if the dummies do not blow it up themselves before any God can meddle.
Why the, excuse me, HELL, was Satan telling him this? Because, in spite of what “the good book” says, Lucifer is actually fond of humans. He likes playing with them, he is a hands on kinda guy and is not really up for a reboot or sequel. He likes the original. The almighty? Meh, he couldn’t be arsed. He set up the rules and then fucked off to play with the Universe. And the rules say that humanity is doomed.
UNLESS! Unless we find 200 worthy chaps.
Not so easy. But then our guy has an idea. Let’s do a reddit post, and have people chime in with suggestions, maybe we can scrounge up 200. And we can do an America’s Got Talent sorta thing.
Lucifer is easily amused and so he agrees. But says: be careful, this is off books, if the Almighty knew we were interfering with his righteous plan, he might end it right here. The world, I mean.
So let’s say we find the 200. What then, how do we get them “selected”. “Let me worry about that” says the Devil. “Jesus owes me a favor”.
So here it is, this weird thing. Mysterious even. People make fun of OP, reddit style, call him names. But some take it seriously and those get the “invite”. I am one of them.
I meet up with the dude and he gives me a place and a time. He says he also wants me to send others his way, it takes a long time to gather hundreds of people unless you Fibonacci it. He now has at least a dozen other people doing recruitment. I lucked out and gotten him, directly.
..
I go to the place at the time.
It is a corn field. Yey. At night. Yey.
A couple of other people are also there for the same thing.
A recruiter addresses us:
“The rules are simple. Somewhere, out there, in the maize, there is something of great value. Find it, bring it to me and you are selected”.
So… into the dank corn field I go.
Recklessly wondering. There is only pain. And sweat. And darkness.
I am hungry so I hit up some raw corn. It’s June so it’s still nice and juicy. As I do this it hits me that this is the nicest thing I’ve felt in a while. Lost in the darkness, but found in my own soul. I pick up another corn cob and make my way outside. The recruiter is waiting. Seems I am the only one who left the maize.
“So, did you find it?”
“Nah, but I realized that life is worth loving you know? This silly pursuit made me see how valuable everything and everyone is. Even this stupid corn, it’s a miracle. “
“Congratulations, you are selected”.
..
That was two weeks ago. The weirdo dropped off the face of the Earth.
The news said a rather large asteroid will be passing by our planet in 6 months. And there is a 66.6% chance it will not be caught in out gravity field. I mean… I like those odds.